Part II—Finding Joy and Meaning Despite External Political Landscape

Do you not want to get out of bed? Do you open your eyes and feel like you want to scream? Do you feel like you don’t have the bandwidth for all this quickly, unfolding gloom and doom news?

Last time in my Part I of how NOT to freak out during the broligarchy takeover, I encouraged you to practice self-care – try to get rest/sleep, water and good food. I encouraged you to practice grounding skills to calm your nervous system with your olfactory and tactile senses, taking deep breaths and feeling your feet hit the ground as you walk.

I talked about practicing acceptance of what is happening because we cannot control what is happening outside of ourselves. But I also encouraged you to connect with your Queen Warrior Self (or just Warrior Self or however you identify) and get into your fighting self, which is invigorating. I encouraged you to take some sort of action to channel your anger and to show your resistance (like call your reps in Congress). But sometimes, we just don’t feel like showing our resistance and that’s totally okay.

Today, in Part II, I want to talk about finding your joy and meaning in your life. Even as this despotic regime rises to power, we can choose to do what we want. We can choose to find the joy in our lives. After all, they can’t take away our singing and our dancing. I have compiled a list of ideas for finding your joy and making meaning. Each of the suggestions below are only suggestions. Some will not apply and some may. Take what you want and leave the rest!

Music Therapy: Singing, listening to music, dancing to music, playing a musical instrument, playing the bongo, writing a song, writing a poem, maybe turning said poem into a song or a rap, making a playlist and sharing it, playing a song at a loud volume while driving around with your windows down, belting it out. Here’s a good one to start with – F*ck You by Lily Allen. https://open.spotify.com/track/1GCbc1vpkZA2zhjsSFhmHT?si=KUQ6P_ViS0-cV6KGLp1Y-A

Art Therapy: Coloring, painting, drawing, sculpting, creating fashion (cut up some t-shirts, sweaters, make it punky, take a sharpie and maybe write “Resist” on your t-shirt) bake a pie, bake a funfetti cake, choreograph an interpretive dance, put on some black eyeliner and red lipstick, do some crafts, crochet a blanket, write a blog, write a letter to the editor.

Pet Therapy: Pet your cat, cuddle and give belly rubs to your dog, walk your dog, walk your cat, pet your bearded dragon, give your pet a treat, bath and/or groom your pet, take ussies of you and your pet and share with the world, play a game with your pet with a toy.

Socialization Therapy: Text your friends, call your friends/family/chosen family, do Facetimes, connect with others on social media, have friends over to your house, have friends spend the night for a sleepover, do facial masks together (even the guys), go see a rock show with your friends, go to an AA meeting, socialize at a political meeting like http://www.Indivisible.org, have a potluck with your neighbors, talk to your neighbors about supporting each other in the next four years.

Reading Therapy: Read some fiction, read some non-fiction, read something funny, read an article, read independent news on Substack, join a book club in person or virtually, read an article on tyranny (https://timothysnyder.org/on-tyranny), read, read, read for fun, read for education, go to the library, go to a coffee shop and read, listen to a book.

Film Therapy (and Streaming Shows): Stream an empowering show and/or watch movies. Watch something that stimulates you intellectually, or something that makes you laugh, or something that inspires you, or watch a documentary, or reality TV, or some historical true stories about people who stood up against the Nazis, such as “A Small Light,” which is about Miep Gies who hid Anne Frank and her family.

https://www.amazon.com/A-Small-Light-Season-1/dp/B0B8MCJLJF. 

Or perhaps that’s a bit heavy right now, there’s also the inspiring “Self Made,” which is about Madame C.J. Walker, who was the first woman to make a million dollars running her own business. She was also a political and social activist and philanthropist in the early 1900’s.

https://www.netflix.com/watch/80219236?trackId=14277281&tctx=-97%2C-97%2C%2C%2C%2C%2C%2C%2C%2CVideo%3A80202462%2CdetailsPagePlayButton

And here are 75 strong female-led movies to check out too: https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/film-tv/g19037519/best-feminist-movies/

In summary, we can connect with music and art, connect with our pets, connect with friends/family/chosen family, connect with literature and film. All of these promote emotional healing and growth. We can choose to find our joy and make meaning in our lives despite this external political landscape.

Please feel free to suggest ideas and acts of joy that you do. Collective wisdom and engagement is encouraged!

How to NOT Freak Out While The Broligarchy Tries to Destroy Our Democracy, Part I

It’s tumultuous times. Unprecedented. In my life, and I’m Gen X, I have never seen Senators and Representatives from the House call a protest to RESIST a US President. Of course, there’s never before been an unelected billionaire bro takeover the US Treasury and there’s never been a torrential blizzard of executive disorders (yes, I said DISORDERS) that are just downright mean.

So here we are. Where does psychotherapy and coping skills weave into this knot of chaos? Let’s start with calming our nervous system with grounding skills. Take a deep breath. Create some space between your inhales and exhales. Take a small inhale through your nose. Pause and hold it. Now exhale through your mouth. As you walk, feel your feet hitting the ground, working from heel to toe, breathing deeply as you walk.

Now, let’s examine the epicenter of our freak out, which is in the amygdala brain.

The amygdala brain is in fear. That’s what the amygdala brain does. That’s its job. It protects us. Listen to your fear. And I’m here to validate your fear. Yep. I hear you. I see you too. I also see this autocratic administration. It’s happening. Look at the last three weeks. Know that your fear is valid. Fear can help us take action. Stand up and say something.. Protest. Call your reps. Join groups who are taking action. Channel that fear. Channel that anger. Fight. Fight hard . . . but only if and when you are ready.

But let’s go back to finding a piece of peace. We were doing deep breathing and feeling our feet hit the floor. Try stretching your neck, turning your ear to touch your shoulder, massage your neck, pull your arms back and stand up straight, do a yoga warrior pose.

Know that you are a warrior. And a warrior needs sleep. A warrior needs water. A warrior needs food— fruit, veggies, protein, carbs for the brain. Take care of your warrior self like you would a child or a pet. Wash your face. Moisturize your face. Take a nice hot shower and breathe. Use shampoo and conditioner that smells good. Inhale and ground yourself with your sense of smell. Connect with your sensory of touch and feel the water on your skin.

Next, let’s shift into the coping skill I like to call the serenity affirmation …

I, Queen Warrior, have the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change (like Trump’s executive disorders happened).

I, Queen Warrior, have the COURAGE to change the things I can (like getting into action and resisting, and like taking care of myself).

I, Queen Warrior, awaken to the WISDOM to know the difference.

This Serenity Affirmation is a great tool to delineate what you cannot change and what you can change. The past you definitely cannot change. Accept what’s happened. It’s done.

But right now, in this very moment, know that you have the power to do exactly what you want. Seize that moment. Make a protest sign. Maybe it will say, “I Do What I Want and I will celebrate Black History Month.” Or maybe it will say, “Fork in the Road? Well, Fork you!”

And in closing, I want to give a shout out to Gil Scott-Heron, who said, “The revolution will NOT be televised.” That means that true change will not be brought to us by corporations or the TV, but rather through a change in our own minds and in our actions. Carpe diem. Seize the day. And as one of my clients used to say, “Seize the carp.”

Mindfulness and Being Present with Emotions

What is mindfulness? It is purposely paying attention in the present moment without judgment (Kabat-Zinn, 1994). 

It is about intentionally being aware of the present moment without judging your experience. It’s about paying attention to what is happening now (within you and around you) with a curious, friendly, open and accepting attitude. It’s hard to not judge something or to label something as good or bad, so be gentle with yourself. Mindfulness is the practice of noticing when you judge something and then coming back to your experience with openness. 

Being present in the moment without judgment can help you increase your enjoyment of life and improve your mental health. It can increase your ability to cope with upsetting thoughts, anxiety, depression and insomnia (Dijk, 2012). Mindfulness, especially when focusing on being curious, friendly, open and accepting, will trigger positive feelings and help you feel good. It increases your self-awareness and can help you choose how to respond in situations, rather than be reactive.

Focusing on the present moment can decrease emotional pain. When we think about the past, we usually think of unpleasant things–things that people have done or said to us. Depressed feelings are often the result of reliving these past experiences and thinking about them. Thinking about the future is similar–we worry about the absolute worst thing that could happen, the what-ifs. We slip into the quagmire of catastrophizing. Anxiety is basically worrying about the future and then feeling as if those worst case scenarios are happening to us right now. Why not choose to direct our thoughts and ground ourselves in the present moment rather than dwelling in an unpleasant past or visualizing an apocalyptic future?  We are missing out on life around us by obsessing and getting lost in the past or the future. 

Mindfulness increases our awareness so we can catch ourselves when we start to sink into the past or some imagined future. You can start to recognize when your mind shifts gears out of the current moment and you start spiraling into a different time. 

Mindfulness has a calming and relaxing effect. Living in the present, rather than the past or present, results in less painful emotions, which inherently makes you feel more calm. Doing one thing at a time with your full attention helps you feel calmer and less overwhelmed. Multitasking can be stressful and chaotic. When you start to slow down and pay attention fully, you will enjoy pleasant activities that maybe you didn’t really pay attention to before–like petting your cat or dog, cutting up some fruit, looking at a blue-jay sitting on the tree outside your window, taking a walk in the cool, crisp air, and taking a deep breath.  

However, I think one of the most important aspects of mindfulness is being more accepting and less judgmental of situations and thoughts. You will feel more peaceful accepting things as they are, rather than getting upset because things aren’t how you would like them to be. Ultimately, being more calm and being more accepting helps you regulate your emotions better and increases your well-being. 

The goal is to really be there when you are doing an activity–playing with a child, drinking your cup of tea, listening to someone share. Enjoy yourself while you are here now, getting out of the past and the future. 

I do want to add that sometimes the present moment can be painful. For example, if someone has died recently, you might feel sad and feel hurt inside. Recognizing these feelings and feeling these feelings can feel uncomfortable. But this is what is happening inside you right now–in your heart and in your mind. Being present and accepting your feelings as they are is healthy. And know that these feelings do shift and it’s better to feel the sadness now rather than delaying it by escaping into something like substances. I encourage you to gently take care of yourself by preparing dinner, burning some incense and/or candle, listening to some music, writing down your thoughts, taking a shower, calling a friend . . . focusing on one thing at a time, being exactly where you are–in the now. The negative emotions will fade and they will resurface again, but you will be okay. Feel the feelings as they come for a bit. Then enter completely into an activity, becoming one with the activity–alert and aware. The act of mindfulness is peaceful. As the founder of DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), Marsha Linehan said, “Mindlessness is participating without attention to the task; mindfulness is participating with attention.”

Intentions

I am thinking about intentions and inspiring you all to identify what is meaningful to you that you would like to focus on.

In order to get you charged up, I would like to explore self-care and self-development first. I know this can be overwhelming trying to figure out what you want to focus on, but let’s just start with simplicity and the basics. Sleeping more, getting to bed earlier, resting–these are things that we forget about and are the basic foundation to good health. And what about drinking more water? Then there's the intention of breathing more from your diaphragm, regulating your nervous system with slow, deep breaths. We want to start with tiny steps. Maybe doing some yoga stretches each day. Possibly meditating with a guided meditation on an app or meditating on your own. On a deeper level–do you need to tend to your sorrow and/or your grief; to hold yourself? Do you want to learn how to stop shoulding on yourself? Do you want to stop shaming yourself and learn how to love and accept yourself? Perhaps you are exploring your gender identity or your sexual orientation and you want to talk about that more.

Let’s look at purpose and meaning secondly. What do you want to learn about yoursef? Where do you need to take action? What communities do you need to connect with? What makes you feel alive? What feeds you intellectually, spiritually and physically? How can you start initiating and moving towards your values? Do you want to revisit an old hobby or start a new one? It is important to focus on what brings us joy and sparks us. Creating is often a big part of finding joy and meaning. Filling our time with activities that are regenerative–making some food, curling up with a book, petting our cat or dog–these things bring meaning and purpose. Maybe plant a tree, join a community garden, reconnect with nature by going on a hike, write a poem and/or journal. Perhaps reach out to your senators and state representatives, writing a letter expressing your concerns and what you would like to happen. This can be cathartic, knowing that we can share our thoughts with Congress and possibly persuade them to take action.

And now let’s move to relationships. What connections do you want to water? Start with your pet if you have one, maybe a family member, your lover or spouse, a friend you have not connected with in a while, an acquaintance that you would like to grow closer to. How can you listen more deeply? How can you let yourself be changed by those around you? How can you show up with compassion and love and understanding? Perhaps you want to focus on detachment from the haters and move towards those that are more loving and supportive. Setting boundaries and speaking assertively are skills to continuously work on and develop in order to create healthier relationships.

Ultimately, the goal is to find our authentic selves and reconnect with our truth, to love ourselves and to give ourselves a break. We are human. We all mess up and life is messy and intentions need to be simple. What do you visualize yourself doing and being? I encourage you to pick out three intentions and then write them down. Come back and revisit them each month. And remember to acknowledge how compassionate and wise you truly are. You have everything within you to succeed and we can make this experience a time of growth.

Partisan Divisiveness, Racial Equality, Covid & Virtual Therapy

Partisan Divisiveness

In 2020, there has also been increased partisan division that has caused family members to turn against each other. With Trump refusing to admit that he lost the election and then the insurrection on January 6th, anxiety was stacked on top of the pandemic. People are lost in trying to restore their relationships with family members who vote differently than them. I am here to help you unpack and process this dilemma.

Racial Equity

With the police brutality and the murder of George Floyd in June of 2020, racial inequities and mistreatment were fully brought to the surface through national and international protests by blacks and whites and other races. Racism has been an ongoing issue for over 400 years, since slaves were first brought to America. This historical trauma was carried on by Jim Crow laws in the south. Today, we are working towards having conversations to make changes in our system and also at a personal/interpersonal level. I am a culturally competent clinician. I am here to support people of color and to help them cope. It is my opinion that every black person has experienced racial trauma, a.k.a. PTSD. If you haven’t participated in therapy before, please rest assured that I will provide a safe, supportive space. I also am here to help white people identify their own implicit biases and explicit biases. Through recognition, one can move towards change.

Covid and Virtual Therapy

Covid pandemic has impacted us all--it has induced stress and anxiety. Unemployment, homelessness, social distancing, wearing masks, not touching surfaces, not being around loved ones, isolation in our homes, fear of contracting it, fear of spreading it, fear of death. Covid has brought death and grieving to those who survived. I am here to help you with this anxiety and grief and also the stresses of reintegrating back into society after getting the vaccine.